Anonymous

“Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction.” – Unknown

IMG_7927
Ocean waves at Point Mugu

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t make my mark if I want to remain anonymous. I was grappling with the idea of deleting my blog, or just starting a new one. Then, I thought to myself, there is so much history and evolution here. I thought erasing my blog, starting fresh, and blogging under a pseudonym was the right answer, but it didn’t feel right.

For quite some time now, I’ve been revolving around the idea of ownership. About making something mine and being proud of it. After all, my first published novel won’t look like a masterpiece. To me, one of the best feelings is watching myself grow and change as a writer. As embarrassing as it can be to look back on old work and have that “Did I really write that sentence? Why did I use that word? OMG there’s a typo! That will – without a doubt – be following me to my grave” feeling, it’s worth it.

This feeling gives me the opportunity to appreciate my advancement as a writer. It shows my progress in some way, shape, or form. (Chances are, I’ll look back on this blog post in a year and slap my wrist for using that cliché. But hey, I guess that’s part of the fun).

It’s been difficult for me to come back to my blog and post regularly, as I’ve been indecisive. A part of me wanted to change my blog name. Well, that would be easy, but all of my blogs posts have been tied to the title in some way. Shoot, okay, back to the drawing board. What if I just created a second blog page? *Looks up articles about starting a second blog page on WordPress* That’s a no.

So, on this Wednesday night as I draft this post, something inside me says the Nike slogan to myself over and over again. Just do it…what do you have to lose? I’ve been losing precious writing time by ignoring it. This blog is my brain’s home. It has acted like a journal for me where I can share anything regardless of if people are reading it or not.

My decision was to forget about being anonymous, write, and – you guessed it – just do it. I’m going to set a realistic goal of blogging at least once a week and begin developing a stronger presence and platform for my voice to flourish.

A few weeks ago, I went to the beach. I watched the waves form and roll over each other. Sometimes, they would so effortless join together and tower over each other, and other times they would run into one another, causing overlap. It reminded of the writing process, like when you are furiously typing and there isn’t enough time to transfer the words in your head to the page in front of you. But also, when your words don’t come as smoothly or naturally, bumping into each other.

This is me, claiming my voice, and making my own waves. When people see them, I want them to know who created them. Even if some of them are not perfect, it makes me feel accomplished knowing I’ve created something instead of watching an idle ocean staring back at me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s