“A lot of people say don’t let bad vibes into the studio, but I love to. If you’re having a bad day, write a song that feels like that.” — Ricky Reed
Today was just one of those days. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t great. In fact, it actually felt pretty miserable in the moment, and I questioned whether or not it was worth writing a blog about. Then I saw this Ricky Reed quote and decided to write about it because sometimes my best work can be credited to raw emotions.
As I sit here typing this blog post, the rain is coming down. And I mean hard. Not in a I’m-from-Southern-California-and-we-rarely-get-rain kind of way, but in an actual it’s dumping kind of way. Of course, that lasted for all but 5 minutes. The thunder is rumbling so loud that car alarms are going off every time it makes itself known. I’d even go as far to say the weather is echoing my current mood today.
The day started out bleh and continued so throughout. Being at the office for 8 hours when you aren’t in the best mood didn’t help either. I tried to push the irritation away and move on, but working through it and not paying enough attention to myself and how I was feeling at the time wasn’t the right cure.
I went on a walk with my coworkers and it made me feel a little better in the moment, but the day dragged on afterwards. I kept thinking to myself, This must be one of my bad days. It had to happen eventually, and I guess today is the day. I didn’t want to just dismiss it though and feel miserable. A part of me wanted to do something about it, I just didn’t know what.
When I got to my car at the end of the day and pulled out of the parking lot, I saw the cars backing up across the street. I was about to sit in what looked like insurmountable traffic, which gave me extra time in the car to think. I thought it could have been good for me to take the time to check-in with myself. Instead of turning my mood around though, it just made everything feel worse.
I started questioning next to everything in my life. What am I doing with my life? Why have I still not finished my novel? What does the future of my blog look like? Where am I going to end up in the next 5 years? Where will my career end up taking me? Who are my true friends?
The questions developed furiously, one after the other. It was then that I broke down in tears, slowly crawling on the 101, more upset about my life than traffic. What have I done wrong here? Why do I feel like this?
I came home and realized I didn’t eat enough food or drink enough water today. That contributed to worsening my mood and strength. I wasn’t going to stand for this mood any longer, so I ate a snack, took a hot shower, and did some yoga for self-care. I have to admit: the yoga really did help me check-in with myself and helped me stop the impending questions. Then I started writing because I needed to get all the thoughts in my head away from my brain, so I could let it breathe and focus on other things.
Writing about this day helped me remind myself that it’s okay to have bad days. They can’t all be good and there is nothing wrong with that. It also made me realize that even though I had a crappy day, I still took steps to pick myself up and try again. Not every moment in my life is going to be filled with positivity, but these challenging moments are still an important part of the story because I didn’t just roll over and contribute to my distress. I did something to try and curb it; I would consider that a win.
I normally never post blogs this late, but this one felt like it just needed to get out there. Stay positive, my friends. It will always get better as long as you keep trying.