Picking Myself Back Up

“Falling down is an accident. Staying down is a choice.” — Unknown

Photo of Christina taking a polaroid of herself on the beach
Seeing double at Pismo Beach

It’s one thing to make a mistake. It’s another to choose to marinate in the madness after the damage has been done. Realistically, there’s nothing for me to do in these situations except learn from them and move on unless I’m ready for a lifetime full of unhappy and sad moments. Reality check: I’m not. Like the saying goes…falling down is an accident, but staying down is a choice. It’s hard to pick myself back up after one of those moments but doing it is one of the greatest signs of strength. 

I blinked and it was June. And not just June, but the middle-approaching-end-of June and that always puts me in a pensive mood. How did I let all this time pass without blogging? Am I lowering the significance it has because I don’t have 100k+ followers and brand deals? I don’t want those things; I don’t need them. But I will say: it’s always harder to be motivated to do something when the pressure from creating content for your network of followers and keeping your stats up for brand deals isn’t there. Writing that sentence out though is making me realize how much I really don’t want those things. I’ve reflected on it time and time again. The blogging lifestyle might seem profitable and fun on the outside to followers, but is it still going to be fun for me when it becomes a job? When I have to create content not because I want to? When I have to carve out time and find inspiration not because it’s already there?

The reason I love blogging so much is because it makes me feel great—plain and simple. It helps me understand my reality, how to get through tough situations, and most importantly, it keeps me grounded. It makes everything feel more real because I’m sharing it with the world (there’s that outer accountability). And the whole world isn’t reading my blog, but I know the people close to me are and that makes me feel seen and heard in ways I can’t describe. This blog gives me a platform to have a voice whether I’m just highlighting a great trip I had (recap of my Pismo Beach trip below ⬇️), venting about the 9-to-5 struggles, or ruminating on the latest positive quote from my Pinterest board.

The reason I came back to my blog was to remind myself that I’m here for the writing. I have a voice and I’m going to use it. I also reunited with my overflowing blog drafts folder on WordPress and realized I have an abundance of blogs waiting to be posted. Granted, they need some editing and the majority of them just need more words than: “Blog about insert positive quote here.” 

So, for today, now that it’s already June-approaching-July and summer is here, it’s time to push things back into full swing. I’m committing to posting a blog at least once a month. Please, feel free to call me out on it if I don’t follow through. I originally set a goal for twice a month, but since it’s taken me over a week to draft this current one, two just sounds a little too ambitious. And, that same ambitious side of me wanted to kick this off strong right out of the gate and publish a blog weekly, but it’s just not realistic. One blog a month is doable, and I know I’ll enjoy adding this writing vehicle back to the lineup.

For the past few months (for the past year, really), I felt like I fell down and didn’t know how to get back up. I’m choosing not to stay down. After going to Pismo Beach to celebrate 4 years with Cory, the pandemic fog finally started to roll away and I could see things clearly again for the first time in a long time.

Our trip at Pismo was a great recharge for me, but it made me realize that I wanted to stay at that energy level. I’ve been “staying down” this whole time. I’ve been deep in anxiety, depression, and madness always feeling like I need to indulge the devil on my shoulder without even realizing he’s been there and that I’ve been doing it. Connecting with the world around me and truly noticing nature were exactly the prescription I needed to fill. It made me realize that I need to continuously be intentional about making time for myself. And the more I write about these things, the more I realize that maintaining that level of intention and awareness is so difficult. It’s work, but it pays off.

I’ve been on the beach SO many times. I couldn’t even guess an exact number because I used to go almost every weekend when I was in college. There’s something special about standing on the packed sand and watching the waves tug your problems off my back and release positive energy into my soul. There’s something about seeing the remnants of the waves after they draw back…that foam just looks like all my problems laying there, ready to be washed away.

This vacation was everything I needed to feel better, but I also wanted to hold onto this feeling for as long as I could. Since I won’t be able to continue taking trips like this every weekend, I have to find ways to incorporate these little moments into my weekends. I need to be intentional about it. I’ve grown tired of dreading Mondays and spending more time worrying about things that are really so small in the grand scheme of things. Looking through these photos again made me realize how truly beautiful the world is around me. There are so many things to be grateful for right in front of me. It’s so easy to take them for granted when we see them all the time, but this summer, I’m going to work on being more intentional and mindful about these little things. These are the things that will help pick me back up when I feel like I’ve fallen. They give me strength to be the person I’m meant to be. 🌊

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